As Thanksgiving approaches, we should all be thankful for something, yes?
Think friends, family, turkey, football, stuffing, cranberry sauce and scrumptious pies.
But Thanksgiving is lots more than that. So, here’s our first annual Official List of Who Should be Thankful for What:
President Trump should be thankful for Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries who provide an easy target for his barbs. All things considered, they are perfect foils.
Kamala Harris - for Simon & Schuster publishers who allowed her to line her pockets promoting a book that nobody read.
Hunter Biden - for Joe Biden who saved his sorry ass time and time again.
Stephen Colbert - for CBS which has mercifully agreed to keep him on the air for a few more months which is still way beyond his “sell by” date.
Joe Biden - for all the sycophants who covered for him during his many years of deceit, incompetence and mental decline.
Mikie Sherrill - for the people of New Jersey who once again proved to be largely uninformed, easily distracted and just plain dim-witted.
Philadelphians - For Wawa’s ubiquitous Gobbler, the easiest and quickest way to enjoy a comfort meal on Thanksgiving or any other day, in season.
Bernie Sanders and AOC - for P. T. Barnum who, across generations, lives on in their daily antics. With apologies to Barnum himself.
Jack Ciattarelli - for the Republican Party of New Jersey that gave him another shot at an office that, in the end, may have simply been unwindable. Damn!
Bibi Netanyahu and the people of Israel - for President Trump who remained a loyal friend in wartime while steadfastly pursuing peace.
Philadelphia Eagles - for the Dallas Cowboys, because everyone needs at least one person, place or thing to hate, right?
Ken Burns - for the illustrious history of America and its people which continues to fatten his wallet no matter how many times he reinterprets it — or misinterprets it.
J. D. Vance - for the doyennes of legacy media like Margaret Brennan and Kristen Welker who he plays like a Stratovarius.
Jimmy Kimmel - for the clueless honchos at ABC who continue to indulge his childish histrionics.
CBS - For the daring leadership of Bari Weiss the new Editor-in-Chief of CBS News who promises to shake things up at the Tiffany network — and that’s long, long overdue!
Philadelphia Flyers - for the illustrious legacy of Bernie Parent who inspired them, remained faithful and remembered Kate Smith, even as they shamelessly forgot her.
Zoran Mamdani - for spineless Democrats who lent him encouragement or simply stood aside as he staged a hostile takeover of their party in New York, and possibly beyond.
Cory Booker - for Andy Kim who makes his own Drama Queen persona look downright contrite and subdued by comparison. Or is not the other way around?
Mike Johnson - for Elise Stefanik who gave up a UN ambassadorship to stay in Congress and buttress a fragile GOP majority.
Phil Murphy - for his 23-room mansion in Parrano, Italy which provided him with a convenient hideaway whenever he needed to escape blame for the mess he’s made in New Jersey.
Every American - for the blessings of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in the greatest country in the world under the leadership of a man who works tirelessly for them, at no cost to them.
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