Pizza Panic

No self-respecting person of Italian descent should ever eat a frozen pizza.

But I was desperate. So the other night I popped a Freschetta ultra thin five cheese into the oven.

Here's what the directions on the box said:

Keep pizza frozen prior to baking. Thawed product may fall through oven rack when prepared without a pan. (Also known as rack-dripped pizza.)

Do not eat pizza without cooking. (Ouch, my teeth hurt!)

Remove pizza from box, overwrap and cardboard. (I knew I had to take it out of the box but you want me to remove the cellophane and cardboard, too?)

Pizza is done when cheese is melted and edges are golden brown. (I'd have never known.)

Refrigerate or discard any unused portion. (Hey, this pizza is too small, the crust is too thin and I'm too desperate and hungry for that to happen.)

Let pizza stand for one minute before serving. (Sorry, can't wait that long. How about 30 seconds?)

Now, here's the bottom-line: This Freschetta ultra thin (and I do mean ultra) five crust pizza wasn't half bad - especially for the typical lazy, hungry, desperate guy of any nationality.