Where To House Those 'Migrants' At The Border

There's a crisis on America's border.
Thousands of people fleeing from Central America are headed the US border and they're looking for homes in our country.
Of course, we're not supposed to call them illegals, for that would be politically incorrect. So, no matter their obvious legal status (or lack thereof) we have been told that they should be referred to as "migrants" and we should give them a chance to gain asylum. Which means that get in.
Okay, let's use that term for now and ask: Where should we send these "migrants" who seek friendly homes in our nation? Here are some suggestions:

The Clinton Compound in Chautauqua, NY: The Clintons don't really spend much time at their rural NY digs, far from the Big Apple. In fact, they're busy campaigning now and then will embark on a months-long speaking tour. And, they have another home in DC, anyway. So, this would be a great place to house those seeking a bright future in the USA. And after all, Bill and Hill want them here, right? 

The Clinton compound in upstate NY.

Robert Redford's Sundance: Actor, activist and noted liberal Robert Redford owns a huge parcel of land adjacent to and part of his Sundance Resort in Utah. In fact, Redford has reportedly amassed more than 7,000 acres. And surely Redford can afford to welcome these migrants. Since he's supportive of the cause. let's call upon Redford to welcome these dear unfortunates. Here's your Big Opportunity, Mr. Compassion.

Barbra Streisand's Malibu ranch: Oh, yes - La Streisand has platy of room right by the sea in California where the migrants should feel right at home. In fact, she's collected houses and an enormous garage on a 24 Malibu acres. Lots of cozy quarters for kiddies. And while the ultra-liberal Barbra has reportedly donated the land and buildings to a conservancy (sounds like a convenient tax move to us) that doesn't make them any less available as they have reportedly been emptied of all of Streisand's priceless objects d'art. Plus, this gal from Brooklyn (who also keeps a place in Manhattan) has a nice spread in Beverly Hills that has plenty of free rooms and open space. Here's your chance, Ms. Humanitarian.

Part of Streisand's Malubu encampment.

Jane Fonda's New Mexico ranch: That great champion of rad/lib causes, Jane Fonda owns the 2,300-acre "Forked Lightning Ranch"  near Pecos, about 25 miles outside Santa Fe. The property's 9,585-square foot adobe home was built in the traditional architectural style of the area. At one point the property was listed for $19.5 million, so you know it's cushy. Hey, Ms. Fonda could have donated the property or she could have offered it to the government at cost. BTW: The property also has a 2,125-square-foot guest house, nicknamed the "Hacienda," with five bedrooms, three bathrooms and a patio. And, there's a 3,409-square-foot, two-bedroom log house on the grounds. Sounds perfect, Jane!

The homes of John Kerry and Teresa Heinz Kerry: Johnny and Terry were sweethearts. And between them, these two noted lefties have managed to amass significant real-estate holdings: An estate and mansion in Fox Chapel, Pennsylvania; a huge ski-getaway vacation home in Ketchum, Idaho; a mansion in Washington's posh Georgetown area and a home on Boston's Beacon Hill. Total value of these homes was estimated to be over $29 million -- and that was more than ten years ago! In the interest of international harmony, our esteemed former Secretary of State should welcome the migrants into any or all of these properties post haste. That'll fix his long face real quick!

The Obamas chic Kalorama digs: The Obamas are often on the road and they have another house in Chicago, anyway. So, while they're away they ought to open their DC home (in one of the district's poshest neighborhoods) to the poor, destitute migrants. Surely they care at least that much, right? 

Barack and Michelle Obama's spacious Washington DC home.

The Kennedy Family Compound, Hyannis Port, Mass: When Sen Edward M. Kennedy (the family's most recent patriarch) passed away he gave his immediate family the rights to the property for their lives and a remainder interest in the property to the Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the United States Senate. Well, that does seem to be a fancy name for a tax shelter but, so what? Additionally, Ethel Kennedy (the widow of the late Senator Robert Kennedy) owns a house on the sprawling oceanfront compound. The houses are not occupied most of the year and there's more than enough room for those poor, poor migrants. And, in any event, surely the Kennedy's would want to share, wouldn't they? After all, they've been preaching the liberal gospel for three or four generations and reminding us that "of whom much is given, much is expected in return." Touch football with the migrants? Sounds super!

Well, there are five cogent suggestions for what to do with the migrants.
But we've just barely scratched the surface.
There are so many bleeding-heart liberals out there with so much land and so much moola and so much sincere commitment to the poor and the oppressed (Think: The Hamptons, Martha's Vineyard, The Upper East Side, Saucilito, etc.) that it would seem there would be no shortage of opulent shelters and willing shelterers for these poor, innocent people -- and plenty of dough to feed 'em as well. 

And yet, none of these seemingly obvious candidates have come forward to volunteer their property for temporary use by those that they say should be admitted to our country -- and those that they claim to care about.
We wonder why . . . . hmmmm?

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What Took So Long?

Opening a travel size ketchup packet has always been one of those irritating life chores like getting an Advil from a child-safe bottle. Now news that finally, we dunkers will have to struggle no longer! A great idea and long overdue. Thanks, Heinz!

From Andrew Heining at The Christian Science Monitor:

Dip? Squeeze? Yes. New ketchup packaging from Heinz gives fast food fans a choice.

For Heinz, that's the desired change on-the-go eaters will find when new ketchup packaging goes into circulation this fall. It's one of those "huh, never knew that much thought went into that" tales – the quest for the perfect ketchup packet. But as a look into the world of Heinz shows, a great amount of research, trial-and-error, and thought is applied to the problem of spilled and wasted ketchup.

The old packets, we learn, originated in 1968, and have never been perfect for everyone. Whether it was the problem of one-handed opening, at-the-wheel eating, or just a personal preference for dunking, there have long been complaints with the ubiquitous single-serving condiment package.

The new design seeks to please two once-divisive camps – dunkers and squeezers. Prefer to dip your fries? Peel off the top. Want your ketchup where you put it, without spreading with a knife? Rip off the tip and squeeze away. Also appeased by the revamped packet are people like this Horizons writer's brothers, who seem to have made it a personal life quest to use as much ketchup as possible: a new Dip & Squeeze packet contains three times as much ketchup as the old design.

Veepstakes

Word out of Washington is that McCain is said to be focusing on Romney, Liberman or Ridge with Pawlenty as an outside choice for Vice President. Still, Dick Morris thinks McCain could opt for a woman and that he might turn to Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison. I think Kay Bailey would be a great choice.
On the other side there is increasing buzz about the possibility that Obama will pick John Kerry. I think it would be near hilarious if that happened: IF Obama picked Kerry and IF Kerry accepted. Could you just picture Teresa Heinz Kerry and Michelle Obama on the campaign trail? What a team that would make. And as for Obama and Kerry, that's sort of like green tea and arugula; white wine and brie, Starbucks and Perrier. For the limousine liberal crowd it would be near orgasmic.