Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Schedule Announced For DNC Convention In Philly

The schedule has just been announced* for the opening of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia this summer. It's very exciting!
Here it is:

DNC Schedule:
Saturday, 27 August 2016

Free lunch, medical marijuana, and bus ride to the Convention.
Forms distributed for Food Stamp enrollment.

Group Voter Registration for Undocumented Immigrants.

Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
Sponsored by CNN

Address on "Being the Real You"
Rachel Dolezal, former Head of the Seattle NAACP and
Caitlyn Jenner

"How to Bank $200 Million as a Public Servant and Claim to be Broke"
Hillary Clinton

"How to have a successful career without ever having a job, and still avoid paying taxes!"
A Seminar Moderated by Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson

Medals of Freedom presentation to Army deserter Bo Berghdal
Baltimore Looters

Invitation-only Autograph Session
Souvenir photographs of Hillary and Chelsea dodging Sniper Fire in Bosnia

Tribute to All of the 57 States
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi

General vote on praising Baltimore rioters, and on using the terminology "Alternative Shoppers" instead of "Looters"

Announcement of VP Nominee
Rachel Maddow welcomed with uproarious applause after she's introduced by Rosie O'Donnell, Lena Dunham and the women of The View.

The White House "Semantics Committee" Meeting
General vote on re-branding "Muslim Terrorism" as "Random Acts of Islamic Over-Exuberance"

"Liberal Bias in Media – How we can make it work for you"
Tutorial sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and the New York Times with Guest Speaker, Brian Williams

Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters still incarcerated at GITMO
Michael Moore

Personal Finance Seminar - "Businesses Don't Create Jobs"
Hillary Clinton

Group Condemnation of Bitter Gun Owners.

Ceremonial "We Surrender" Waving of the White Flag to Afghanistan, Russia, and ISIS.

11:00 PM
Short film, "Setting Up Your Own Illegal Email Server While Serving in A Cabinet Post and How to Pretend It's No Big Deal"
Hosted by Hillary Clinton

"How to Offend Christians While Implementing Sharia Law in America "
"Sneaky Joe" Biden

Official Nomination of Hillary
Bill Maher and Chris Matthews

*Courtesy of an anonymous e-mail which has been making the rounds.

No comments: