Now, I finally get it: They're downright innocuous.
Here then, in no particular order are the Ten Big Reason why the New Year's "holiday" is dumb, dumb, dumb:
1) There is absolutely no significant historical or religious meaning to the day.
2) How many bowl games can you watch, anyway?
3) The day celebrates not the beginning of anything but rather the end -- the end of the joyous holiday season.
4) The Tournament of Roses Parade, the Mummers Parade and other New Year's spectacles are all pretty much the same year-after-year.
5) You know it's true: Nobody keeps New Year's resolutions.
6) Celebrating the passing of time is like celebrating the inexorable march to your own death.
7) After Christmas, no other holiday on the immediate horizon can compete.
8) By January 1 you're completely stuffed and don't even wanna look at food. You're facing the grueling regimen of a diet.
9) All you have to look forward to are the two bleakest months of the year: January and February (with an extra February day in '12; and March ain't much better).
10) It'll take you weeks to get used to writing 2012 and you may still be thinking 2011 even in April.
The bottom line: New Year's Day is just another day on the calendar.