Friday, January 3, 2025

A Postcript: In Case You Were Wondering . . .


 

For '25 Speaker Johnson Announces Bold Action!

Italian America? Well, Here's Where It's At . . .

 

Wednesday, January 1, 2025

Just Released: Mummers '25 String Band Winners!

String Band Division Results

1. South Philadelphia
1. Quaker City
3. Fralinger
4. Uptown
5. Avalon
6. Polish American
7. Woodland
8. Aqua
9. Ferko
10. Greater Kensington
11. Hegeman
12. Jersey
Disqualified – Duffy
Disqualified – Durning

First time in modern string band history we have a tie for 1st.

String Band Captain

1. South Philadelphia – Denny Palandro
2. Uptown – Kade Radcliffe
3. Woodland – George Balzer IV
4. Quaker City – Jimmy Good
5. Fralinger – Brad Bowen

25 People Who Should Get Lost In 2025

Now that 2025 has finally arrived, let's clean the slate and get rid of 25 people we don't need around in the new year -- 25 people (in no particular order) who should get lost:

John Bolton - We'd call you 'ole walrus face but we don't wanna insult the noble walrus. Shut up and go away!

Sean "Diddy" Combs - The more we hear, the sicker and more repulsive it gets. Scram!

George Stephanopoulos - We know how to spell your name, we just don't know when to stop. And neither do you. Quit already!

Andy Kim - So what if you were just elected. We're tired of you already. Take your little whisk broom and hide away somewhere, please!

Lea Thomas - Your medals are fraudulent and so are you. Splish splash away!

Taylor and Travis - Your romance, or business merger, or whatever -- is just tiresome. Smooch somewhere else.

Oprah - Guess what, darling? Your act has worn thin and it remains practically the only thing about you that is. Exit, stage left.

Karl Rove - You were a wunderkind, what . . . 20+ years ago? C'mon, man -- who you foolin'? It's time!

Matt Gaetz - In a word, SORDID. And that's probably putting it kindly. At the very least, how about a good, long stay in the penalty box? Kerplunk!

Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi - The best argument for term limits so far. Let that be the final piece of legislation you sponsor, then resign!

Jennifer Lopez - After the losing year you've had (Bennifer, etc.) it's time to take your booty far, far away, baby. BuhhBye 

Kristen Welker - We remember the glory days of Meet The Press (Brokaw, Russert, even Spivak). You're just not in that league, sweetie. Cub reporter status maybe?

Alex Jones - Truth is we really never found you very interesting and your latest round of notoriety hasn't helped. Silencio! 

James Corden - You've been called mean, shallow, talentless and insufferable. No wonder your TV show is gone. Don't come back and don't let the door hit you in the ass.

Justin Trudeau - You mean you haven't gotten the message yet? Time's up! Head for the back bench and stay there!

Ellen Degeneres - Is it true that you've decamped to England or Europe or somewhere over there? Please confirm -- and don't return!

Kimmel, Colbert and Fallon - Not just Carson and Parr but even Arsenio would be appalled! Take your whining and sobbing and babbling somewhere else. Goodnight!

David Muir - You were America's anchorman, or so it seemed. But during that one debate, you squandered all your credibility. For your penance, share a cell with Stephanopoulos. 

James Carville - Even if you were right about Kamala and the Democrats, nobody cares -- not then, not now. And hardly anybody even knows who are anyway. Au revoir!

Bruce Springsteen - Maybe those drones over Joizee were comin' for you -- to take you away and give us (and the rest of the world) some badly-needed relief. Ever think of that?

Bill Gates - It was okay that you were a nerd -- or even brainy. It's when you became presumptuous, officious, pompous and a nag that things started to go to hell. Not that we're necessarily wishing the same route for you, but . . . .

John Legend and Chrissy Teigen - Legend isn't your real name. And you're not a legend and never have been. And we don't care about your political views. Ditto, Chrissy. Now play us the opening notes of "Time To Say Goodbye."

Meghan and Harry - We're gonna keep you on the list every year until you leave us and the rest of the world alone. Tah tah!

Josh Shapiro - Has it occurred to you that you're hopelessly overrated, uninspiring and imitative? May we suggest a sustained, contemplative retreat?

Mark Cuban (pictured) - As many times as you succeed in making a complete fool of yourself, you keep coming back. You need to go the way of The Mooch and poof -- be gone!


A Blessed New Year To All!