The schedule has just been announced* for the opening of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia this summer. It's very exciting!
Here it is:
Saturday, 27 August 2016
Free lunch, medical marijuana, and bus ride to the Convention.
Forms distributed for Food Stamp enrollment.
Group Voter Registration for Undocumented Immigrants.
Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
Sponsored by CNN
Address on "Being the Real You"
Rachel Dolezal, former Head of the Seattle NAACP and
"How to Bank $200 Million as a Public Servant and Claim to be Broke"
"How to have a successful career without ever having a job, and still avoid paying taxes!"
A Seminar Moderated by Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson
Medals of Freedom presentation to Army deserter Bo Berghdal
Invitation-only Autograph Session
Souvenir photographs of Hillary and Chelsea dodging Sniper Fire in Bosnia
Tribute to All of the 57 States
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi
General vote on praising Baltimore rioters, and on using the terminology "Alternative Shoppers" instead of "Looters"
Announcement of VP Nominee
Rachel Maddow welcomed with uproarious applause after she's introduced by Rosie O'Donnell, Lena Dunham and the women of The View.
The White House "Semantics Committee" Meeting
General vote on re-branding "Muslim Terrorism" as "Random Acts of Islamic Over-Exuberance"
"Liberal Bias in Media – How we can make it work for you"
Tutorial sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and the New York Times with Guest Speaker, Brian Williams
Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters still incarcerated at GITMO
Personal Finance Seminar - "Businesses Don't Create Jobs"
Group Condemnation of Bitter Gun Owners.
Ceremonial "We Surrender" Waving of the White Flag to Afghanistan, Russia, and ISIS.
Short film, "Setting Up Your Own Illegal Email Server While Serving in A Cabinet Post and How to Pretend It's No Big Deal"
Hosted by Hillary Clinton
"How to Offend Christians While Implementing Sharia Law in America "
"Sneaky Joe" Biden
Official Nomination of HillaryBill Maher and Chris Matthews
*Courtesy of an anonymous e-mail which has been making the rounds.