Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Matthews With Scoop Tonight: Bush Caused Earthquake

I just heard that Chris Matthews of MSNBC is set to go with a story tonight blaming the DC area earthquake all on George W. Bush. 
Matthews is said to have first-hand knowledge and inside (the pants) information on the quake. 
Here's how it came down:
Matthews didn't know what was happening when everything started to move.
In fact, the first few moments seemed thrilling. 
Matthews actually thought he was feeling another Obamaesque tingle up his leg -- he thought Obama was about to make a huge return-from-the-wilderness comeback -- a sort of cosmic miracle. 
But Matthews realized it was a tremble and not a tingle that he was experiencing. And then, as his cherished copy of Teddy Kennedy's book True North left the bookshelf and landed on his head, Matthews panicked. 
According to reports, his  bowels loosened and he started screaming: "BUSH! BUSH! IT'S BUSH AND CHENEY! I'M UNDER ATTACK!" 
Poor, poor Chris.

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