I'm officially proposing "Little Billy's Law" to outlaw Santa Claus.
And I'm looking for sponsors in key states to get things rolling.
Here's why: Little Billy is frightened. He's afraid of Santa Claus.
Little Billy has heard that Santa has taken an unnatural interest in him. He's been told that he "better watch out" for Santa because Santa "knows when he is sleeping and knows when he's awake" and that frightens little Billy.
Little Billy is an aware, sensitive kid.
And he understands when somebody is trying to entice him and/or frighten him or bully him. He also knows that he must watch out for other children as well. In fact, we must all watch out for one another and collectively, the state must watch out for all of us. Little Billy's enlightened and compassionate parents have taught him all this.
He and his parents know and understand that Santa is clearly using toys to entice children to consume unhealthy items like candy canes, sugar cookies and hot chocolate.They also know that Santa may be pushing inappropriate and/or needlessly violent or dangerous toys.
So, to protect the little children all over America, we must act quickly.
In fact, we must act now.
Will you join me to help enact "Little Billy's Law"?
I assure you: The world will be a better, safer, happier place if we succeed. Trust me.