Friday, December 22, 2017

Just When We Could All Use A Chuckle . . .

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Need a good laugh? The following was delivered by CV President Brian Burch at a recent Christmas event in Washington D.C. We thought you would enjoy some light-hearted Christmas humor as we wind down the year and prepare to celebrate the birth of Our Lord. 


What a year it has been!

And so I got to thinking...

We’ve all been so glued to American politics, I suspect many of us have not been paying much attention to what has been going on with that jolly elf to the north of us. And no, I’m not referring to Justin Trudeau.

I'm speaking of course of Santa Claus, and the far more interesting happenings at the North Pole. After all, 'tis the season.

So, in case you haven’t been keeping close tabs on politics north of the Arctic Circle -- the literal top 1% of the entire world -- let me tell you, it's quite something, especially this time of year.

Of course, when it comes to politics, we are often reminded of the importance of judges. Which reminds me of the perennial debate among the North Pole elves --- that is -- when it comes to the naughty and nice list -- is Santa Claus a strict constructionist or an originalist?

Either way, for our own sakes, we all better hope Santa’s not a stickler when it comes to honoring stare decisis.

But looking at the bigger North Pole political landscape, we were recently given a rare, behind-the-scenes look, thanks to a new batch of Santa's emails released by…who else?

Saint Nickileaks.

The emails are, to be blunt, shocking.

Contrary to popular belief, Santa's helpers aren't just one big happy family. In fact, they're divided like never before. Call it the North Polarization of politics if you want.

On one side you've got the Reindeer Caucus. On the other there’s the #NeverSanta crowd. And then of course there's the tiny, but highly controversial “Alt-North” movement.

Meanwhile, at Snowflake University, students have been organizing protests, calling for safe spaces to avoid any reference to Irving Berlin for his role in writing the obvious neo-fascist inspired perennial hit: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas.”

One scandal that just recently erupted prompted by a series of St. Nickileaks emails involves several members of Congress, and what they are getting in their stockings for Christmas.

No need to name names, or senators from Minnesota…but let’s just say it looks like it will be the Democrats who save the coal industry this year.

Another batch of Nickileaks emails that sent shockwaves through the North Pole involved Prancer, and his recent announcement that he no longer identifies as a reindeer. The long-serving member of Santa's sleigh team released a heartfelt statement through his attorney Gloria All-Red-and-Green, in which he revealed a decades-long inappropriate relationship with Donder, and declared, "I choose now to live as a caribou."

The Nickileaks emails also tell us that one of the hot-button issues on the North Pole is climate change, and the melting of the polar ice cap. Apparently, Santa Claus believes global warming is a very real concern. He believes it's VERY, VERY real. Like Santa Claus real.

Of course, we joke about Santa Claus not being real, but of course Saint Nicholas was a real person. He devoted his life to serving God, and helping his fellow man. Or as the Grinch might say, "the dogma lived loudly within him."

And yet despite all of the political fights and controversies up north, Santa has assured the people of the North Pole that Christmas will go on as it always has. For what the world needs each year, perhaps this year more than most, is a reminder of the story of Christmas. The story of an innocent child, born in a manger, the Son of God Himself, sent to redeem the whole world.

No politician, no judge, no Hollywood celebrity, university professor, or media personality -- even on the North Pole -- can stop the story of Christmas.

The Son of God was born to save us all.

And for that, we rejoice.

Merry Christmas to you from all of us at CatholicVote!

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