Sunday, June 21, 2009

Is It Mom's Fault?

From Glenn Sacks and Robert Franklin in the Washington Times:
For the past three Father's Days, President Obama has criticized father absence and fathers. In his new Parade magazine article, Mr. Obama writes, "We need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one."
Mr. Obama marked Father's Day 2008 in a similar fashion, saying fathers have "abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men" - a view he voiced many times during the presidential campaign. Mr. Obama is correct that involved fathers - even divorced or separated ones with little income - provide their children with substantial benefits. . . .
Yet Mr. Obama makes a serious error by placing all blame for family breakdown on men. It's doubtful that many dads say to themselves, "My child loves me and needs me, my wife/girlfriend loves me and needs me - I'm outta here." Research shows they usually don't.
Professors Kathryn Edin of Harvard and Timothy Nelson of the University of Pennsylvania recently conducted a study of low-income, unmarried fathers and found that most strive to be good parents but often are thwarted by the children's mothers' interference and gate-keeping. Ms. Edin says many of the men she and Mr. Nelson surveyed saw being a father as a noble calling, in part because they lived in dangerous, crime-ridden areas. Some men described their children as "saints" or as their "redeemers."
Ms. Edin and Mr. Nelson found that low-income dads provide what monetary support they can but focus on the nonfinancial aspects of fatherhood. These include educating their daughters about relationships with males and teaching their sons how to defend themselves.
Ms. Edin's soon-to-be-published subsequent research analyzes data from the large-scale Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing study and reaches similar conclusions. She found that when mothers move on to have new partners (and new children with those partners) their actions are "strongly associated with increases in the probability that the biological father will have no contact with his child." Contrary to anti-father stereotypes, when fathers move on to have subsequent romantic partners and children, they largely retain their desire to be in their original children's lives. According to Ms. Edin: "The evidence points more strongly to the role of mothers 'swapping daddies' than it does to the role of fathers 'swapping kids.' " . . .
In broken families, when a mother does not want her children's father around anymore, she usually can push him out. Family courts tilt heavily toward mothers in awarding custody and enforce fathers' visitation rights indifferently. In most states, mothers are able to move their children hundreds or thousands of miles away from the children's fathers, often permanently destroying the fathers' bonds with their children.
Moreover, women are increasingly having children with no intention of ever having a father in their kids' lives. Newly released data from the National Center for Health Statistics show that 40 percent of children born in the United States are born out of wedlock, a 26 percent increase since just five years ago.
Mr. Obama is correct that children need their fathers and that too many fathers do not come through for their children. However, his narrow "heroic single mom/deadbeat dad" viewpoint fails to acknowledge a crucial truth - it often is mothers, not fathers, who create fatherlessness.

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